Not so little red ridding hood: a prorody
by Crazycally
Summary: My take on the classic story. A teenager with atitude problems with the help of her long suffering guardian angel need to avoid getting eatten and save grandma. Written in play form. My first fanfic so be nice.


Not so little Red Riding hood

**Disclaimer: I don't know who owns the original story I just know it's not me, I own only Gabriel.**

**Authors' note: I came up with this walking home in the rain one day and have finally mustered the courage to submit this, my first fanfic. I'm dyslexic so the spelling is a real problem for me but I've done my best so be nice! **

**Scene one: MUM!**

_At RRH's (red riding hood) house_

Mum: You are going to visit your grandma!

RRH: No, I'm not!

Mum: Don't take that tone with me, young lady! You've put off visiting long enough!

RRH: There's no way I'm visiting that old cow again this century!

Mum: How dare you talk about your own grandmother like; don't you have any respect for your elders?

RRH: No, not much to tell you the truth. [In an offhand indifferent voice]

Mum: You. Will. Visit. Your. Grandma. [In a low, quite, voice though gritted teeth]

RRH: I told you before and I'll tell you again: there's no way in hell I'll visit that old witch!

Mum: [with an evil smile and a would be reasonable voice] If you don't visit your grandma your mobile phone will just have to visit me for the next month.

RRH: Muuuuum [in a drawn out whinny voice] I neeeeed it!

Mum: No what you "neeeeed" is to visit your grandma!

RRH: [With an angry sigh] Fine I'll go! [Sulkily] Not that she will appreciate it.

Mum: That's not the point.

_RRH stomps off stage._

**Scene two: The Danger of a stranger**

_In the wood._

_RRH walks across the stage from the right and is met in the middle by the vampire who comes from the other side. _

**A/N**: **The vampire represents the wolf in this version.**

Vampire: well, well, well what have we here? A girl all alone in the woods! Where are you headed dear?

_The vampire freezes and Gabriel enters the stage_

**A/N Only RRH can see Gabriel so the vampire freezes oblivious to the pair. By the way imagine Gabriel has an extremely camp voice.**

Gabriel: Don't answer him! Haven't I taught you anything?

RRH: [causally] nothing as far I can remember. [Then aggressively] Besides what are you doing here, nothing can make a bad job worse than your pesky guardian angel showing up.

Gabriel: Honestly girl sometimes you make me feel so unwelcome!

RRH: You're not welcome!

Gabriel: Don't talk to him; I don't like his teeth, there too [pause] 'pointy' [pulls face].

RRH: Your can't talk you've got bloody wings for goodness sake.

Gabriel: humph, I am an angel after all. Anyway good girls don't talk to strangers!

RRH: In that case I won't talk to you, piss off.

Gabriel: Things like that make me think you don't love me anymore!

RRH: oh I don't, you've been telling me what to do my whole life, I'm getting pretty sick of it.

Gabriel: I'm supposed to tell you what to do as a guardian angel it's in the job description, you know giving guidance.

RRH: Can I sack you?

Gabriel: No you can't unfortunately, or I would have quit this job a long time ago.

RRH: [sighs] In that case; I appreciate your 'guidance' but I've decided not to listen to it, sorry. Now don't stay were your not wanted!

Gabriel: Your words have wounded me deep inside [sniffs dramatically]. Fine dig your own grave, see if I care!

_Gabriel storms off and the vampire unfreezes_

RRH: [With a warm smile] I'm off to visit my grandma.

Vampire: And you have to walk through the woods to get there. [Raises eyebrows questioningly with a charming smile]

RRH: Oh yes, just down this path in fact.

Vampire: she lives alone?

RRH: Well yes.

Vampire: What a comfort your visit be to her, do you not wore about her living alone?

RRH: [Snorts sceptically] Oh someone could come and eat her for all I care?

Vampire: [Laughs delicately] I don't suppose she'd taste nice?

RRH: If she tastes as sour as her personality then defiantly not! Well I must be off, it's been a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

_She leaves though the opposite door to the one she came in though, the vampire presently follows her off stage back the way he came._

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the play so far. I've already written the first draft play so if there's a market I'll type up the rest. So if you're interested please leave a review requesting the rest and I'll comply as fast as I can. I'd really appreciate feedback, constructive criticism welcome but please don't flame out of spite.**


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